The Human Router Booster
Gary didn’t reboot his Wi-Fi—he crowned it.
Let me tell you about my neighbor, Gary. Gary is the kind of man who thinks “Router” is just French for “The thing that makes the internet go.”
Last week, his Wi-Fi went down. Naturally, he did what any reasonable 21st-century gentleman would do: he called me. Not the ISP. Me.
He said, “Jolly! My internet hath vanished! I tried everything!”
Now, I assumed “everything” meant unplugging it and plugging it back in. A classic move. But no.
When I floated over to his flat, I found him standing heroically before his modem. He had taken a piece of aluminum foil, shaped it into a perfect, gleaming helmet, and placed it firmly on top of the router.
“What,” I asked, my ink nearly boiling, “is the meaning of this sartorial choice?”
Gary puffed out his chest. “It’s a Faraday Cage! I read online that routers get ‘confused’ by cosmic rays. This will shield it and boost the signal!”
I blinked. Twice. Then I gently asked, “Gary… have you tried pressing the button?”
He looked at me. Then at the router. Then at the little white “Reset” button hiding in plain sight under the foil hat.
Five seconds later, the lights blinked back on.
Gary stared at the now-functioning router, then back at his foil hat. He slowly removed it, placed it on his own head, and whispered:
“Perhaps the router was just waiting for a leader.”
And that, my friends, is how Gary single-handedly solved his Wi-Fi issues by becoming the world’s first Human Router Booster — complete with self-appointed firmware, zero latency, and a 30-day satisfaction guarantee (terms and conditions apply; cosmic rays not included).
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