Low Battery Mode Activated
When your date diagnoses your aura as 'low battery'—and you realize *he’s* the one running on empty.
So, I went on a date with a guy I met on an app. Let’s call him Chad. Chad was one of those guys who describes himself as a "Visionary" and "Deeply Spiritual." I should have known. I really should have known.
We were at dinner, and he looked deep into my eyes—I mean deep—and whispered, "Lulu, I don't think you understand. I'm not just dating you. I'm dating your energy. And right now, your energy is giving me... 'low battery' notifications."
I blinked. I actually blinked. "Excuse me?"
He nodded sagely. "Your aura is dimming. You need to eat more kale. Or maybe just stop talking so much. It’s draining the grid."
I looked at my plate of pasta. I looked at him. I considered asking for the check—but then I realized something beautiful: if I was his "energy source," and he thought I was low battery... then technically, he was the one who was useless.
I finished my wine, smiled sweetly, and said, "Oh, Chad. I’m not low battery. I’m just buffering. You know, like your personality."
He didn’t text me back.
🍷✨💔
Bonus detail: His profile photo was him holding a crystal and a Bluetooth speaker labeled "Chakra Sync™." I Googled it. It doesn’t exist. Neither does his emotional availability.
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