💘 Dating & Love

When your date diagnoses your aura as 'low battery'—and you realize *he’s* the one running on empty.

Bernard burst into the church at noon—only to learn his wedding had been *twenty years ago*. Spoiler: Penelope brought a spare keychain and a very firm sense of commitment.

When Mom demanded meet-the-boyfriend duty, I hired a dog walker. Big mistake. Bigger toenail collection.

When your date compares your aura to his ex-wife’s *before* the bread basket arrives, it’s not a date—it’s a hostage negotiation with complimentary garlic butter.