Scrolling the Microwave

My girlfriend decided we needed a “digital detox weekend.”

No phones. No laptops. Just “vibes,” fresh air, and the crushing weight of my own thoughts.

Saturday was fine. We hiked, we talked, I only checked my watch 400 times to see if it was over yet.

Sunday afternoon? That’s when the withdrawal kicked in.

I was desperate.

I needed to look at something that wasn’t a tree.

So I did what any reasonable man would do:

I opened the microwave door.

Just stared at the clock.

12:47.

Still 12:47 ten minutes later.

I knew that. I still stared.

Then she walked in.

She didn’t yell. She didn’t laugh.

She just whispered, “Babe. You’re literally scrolling the microwave.”

We broke the detox that night.

I needed to Google if microwaves could feel judged.

They can’t.

But she definitely does. 📱👋

Pro tip: If your partner starts making prolonged eye contact with kitchen appliances, it’s not spiritual awakening — it’s buffering.