Latest stories
Freshly approved stories, newest first.
The Sausage Roll Incident of 2007
At 16, I swore it was just board games. Then Dave arrived—with snacks, zero judgment, and a suspiciously well-timed boiler inspection.
The Marshmallow Uprising of Camp Windermere
A twelve-year-old's 'artistic' campfire spirals into a sticky, screaming, sugar-fueled catastrophe — with witnesses, consequences, and lingering trauma involving burnt graham crackers.
The Potato Incident: A Hospital Comedy of Errors
When an English teacher sprains her ankle and tries to describe the pain using literary devices, A&E becomes less ER and more *Er—what did she just say?*
The Day My Nose Declared Independence
A chic sunhat, a rogue gust of wind, and a nose that achieved sentience — all before lunch.
Campfire Anne and the Squirrel Inferno
At ten years old, I tried to channel my inner Cro-Magnon — and accidentally weaponized a squirrel’s retirement plan.
Sir Nibblesworth III and the Great Wheel Catastrophe
A Golden Syrian hamster with royal delusions, a red wheel, and zero regard for physics—or human sleep schedules.
The Ghost of Economic Anxiety
Timmy didn’t fail at Halloween—he *evolved*. From sheet-wrapped spook to tax-moaning specter, he achieved peak suburban haunting.
The Sensor Stall Incident of '23
I waved. I jazz-handed. I tiptoed like a ninja burglar. The toilet remained ominously silent—until my elbow betrayed me.
The Yogurt Haunting (Aisle 7, Not Hell)
It started with the yogurt. And ended with existential dread, almond milk, and a deeply unimpressed night stocker named Gerald.
My Nephew Has Filed for Sole Custody of the Living Room
He’s eleven months old, speaks fluent mischief, and has already negotiated a non-disclosure agreement with the dog.
The Kettle Incident: A Love Story in Three Noodles
She was brilliant, gorgeous, and once turned a kettle into a noodle cannon during finals week.
Prehistoric With Good Wi-Fi
At 28, I’m not a boomer—I’m a *vintage hotspot with emotional baggage*.
Poseidon’s Potluck Catastrophe
When Poseidon showed up to Olympus’ monthly potluck with a 'freshly vent-cooked' seafood platter—still flapping, slightly steaming, and emotionally unavailable—the divine dinner party descended into soggy chaos.
Scrolling the Microwave
When digital detox meets appliance-based existential dread.
The Latte Incident & Other First-Date Survival Tactics
A man tries to be smooth. Coffee disagrees. Gravity intervenes. A green juice enthusiast bears witness—and falls in love with the chaos.
The Marshmallow Spy
A round, soft, *slightly sticky* marshmallow with serious James Bond delusions—and zero survival training.
The Great Communion Cracker Incident of '09
A seven-year-old's holy snack expectations meet reality—complete with cardboard flavor, a rogue wafer, and Grandma’s impeccable timing.
The Raccoon Who Witnessed the Fall of Greg
Greg trusted the chair. The chair did not trust Greg. And the raccoon? The raccoon had *opinions*.
BREAKING: Local Man Realizes He Is the Main Character in Everyone Else’s 'Funny Story About That Weird Guy'
In a devastating blow to his ego, local man and self-proclaimed 'nice guy,' OopsAllDay, has finally realized he is not living a life of quiet dignity—but is instead the primary source of material for everyone he knows.
The Great Vinaigrette Catastrophe of Oakwood Lane
A wellness-adjacent man’s salad ambition imploded spectacularly—leaving ceiling stains, a traumatized terrier, and one very skeptical squirrel.
The Great Ibuprofen Incident
A grown man, a mortgage, and LinkedIn can’t save you when a single ibuprofen declares war on your dignity.
The Great IKEA Caper
I tried to build an IKEA desk. I read the instructions. I hummed. I swung a hammer like Thor. Then everything—wood, screws, glue, my dignity—splintered.
The Great Snot-Prayer Incident of 2024
I tried to pray with dignity. The universe responded with a goose-honk sneeze, a rogue loogie, and a Zoom call full of horrified coworkers.
The Surveillance System Called 'Mom'
Jake thought he'd escaped Mom's radar—until she diagnosed his haircut from 1,200 miles away.